Monday, October 19, 2009

An Address to Spiders and Creepy Crawlys Alike

I see you up there Spider, your thick, grotesque body perched in your web over my bed. You are still as though dormant, but I know your tricks! The moment my light clicks off you awaken and descend like air down your silky strand to burry yourself in my hair, nuzzle in my neck! Look around you Spider. Notice your neighbors smooshed to oblivion on your left and your right. Consider yourself warned! Return to the wilderness before you become a smear of goo and scattered legs. Don’t brand me a murderer; this is a line of defense, a line which you have crossed, in a battle that is fought daily. Retreat Spider! Retreat!!!

Exhibit A: Bug guts

The truth: I originally left the guts because just the act of squishing filled my capacity for gross-out and I could not bring myself to then wipe the guts off the wall. I justified my display of crusty bug guts as a warning to their descendants, but my line of defense is not working. Despite the changing seasons spiders still flock to my bedroom in packs and now the bug guts have become cemented to the wall, such that removing them means taking the paint off as well, so there they remain.

Exhibit B: More bug guts

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